Family Life Series 2011 {Week One}

Every Wednesday during these weeks between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day the Family Life Series will be featured here at Six Bricks High.  Several super bloggers are lined up to share their thoughts on all things family. 

Today’s post is written by Kristen of Chasing Blue Skies.  I am encouraged every-single-time I read Kristen’s blog and I’m excited to have her sharing at my place today.

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When You’ve Got the Rules Down but Not the Relationship

I know all about creating and maintaining rules for my kiddos. No computer games during the week. Brush your teeth or no treats. Don’t sass off or you’ll lose hang out time with your buds. And sometimes I bark them out in a way that would make the meanest drill sergeant proud.

Knee deep in these tween years, I have to use more intentional effort than ever before to build relationships with my cherubs. I am learning that our quality time has a different personality from the earlier years.

The preschool years offered so much together time I wondered if I’d ever again really know the joy of using the bathroom without an audience. Now, the greater independence and activities of the school aged years mean my kids aren’t glued to my hip. This is a necessary and good thing, but I have to take more active steps to purposely hang out with them. Here are some things David and I do {imperfectly} to make this happen:

1. Turn off the screens. Remove the distractions. Put the phones away {a mentor mom of mine suggested having a basket by the door to put phones}. Shut the laptop {so hard for me sometimes!} and walk away from the computers. Leave the tv off. Tune out the world so you can tune into your young’uns.

2. Take them in your arms. Snuggle the livin’ daylights out of them. One of my sons is far from touchy feely, but he still needs a degree of physical touch. And the more I give him, the more he gives back to me. In Ann Voskamp’s Parenting Manifesto of Joy, she writes, “Today, I will hug each of my children as many times as I serve them meals–because children’s hearts feed on touch. I’ll look for as many opportunities to touch my children today as possible—the taller they are, the more so.” Also, in Mark chapter 10 after Jesus scolds the disciples for shooing the children away, the Bible says, “Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.” (v 16). I love that. What a picture! We bless our children when we gather them up in our arms, too.

3. Take them on a date! Maybe this means you or Dad takes them out one at a time for dinner. Maybe it means you or Dad sit all cozy on the couch with one kiddo for a heart to heart. Whatever the date’s location, make eye contact, ask questions, and listen. For a set time, ignore the ringing phone and to-do lists. Give your kids proof they are a priority.

I don’t just want our family to move about like toddlers doing parallel play. When I intersect and interact with my kids, they know I am interested in their lives. And when they know I’m interested, they’ll want a relationship with me, too.

What are some things you do to build relationships with your young’uns?

Kristen is an Air Force wife, enthusiastic mama and country girl writer. She is a joy hunter-downer who writes of looking upward for fresh-air encouragement at Chasing Blue Skies. She and her husband David have 3 precious young’uns, twin sons (age 11) and a daughter (age 7). Kristen and her family enjoy their home under the wide-blue-skies of glorious Colorado.

I hope you have enjoyed this post in the Family Life Series. 
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